that about sums it up lana o.o;

Where we all came from...

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all
mankind made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Papa said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Techie John

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John the computer guy, to come over. John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

John grinned .... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: - I D 1 0 T

I used to like John ............

LOLOL ouch burn =P :D:

Getting old can be a real drag.....

To make it stand, you wet it!
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To make it wet, you suck it!
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To make it stiff, you lick it!
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To get it in, You push it!
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Damn !!!!!!! Threading a needle when you're older, is a BITCH!

When you are finished laughing.... go wash your mind out... hehe

((BTW, these jokes are coutesy of my mother...yes...my mother!))

your MOM?! :eh2:

XinAn wrote:your MOM?! :eh2:

Yeah, she's going to be 60 this year....and there's some dirty ones too.
My family's rich, in terms of sense of humor.


Here's another...

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

HERE'S A RIDDLE FOR YOU

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Think about it.
Ready?
Then scroll down...











Answer:
10 little piggies,


2 calves,


1 ass,


an unknown number of hares,


and, of course, one cat.




:meow:

:D:

LOl these are great guys :).... loved the kid and train one the most
Heres one i heard :)


A girl walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting down drinking a beer, she thinks hes kinda cute so she decides to go and talk to him. When she approaches him she asks: "Hey what ya drinkin?" and the guy responds " oH, this?? this is called magic beer."
Surprised the girl asks " Magic beer?!?!? and the guy tells her "yea its called magic beer b/c when u drink it u can fly" The women cant believe and asks him to prove it. So the man takes a sip and all of a sudden gets out of his seat and starts flying all around the room. Amazed the womens like "wow~!!!! i have got to try some of this", so she takes a sip of his beer and goes and jumps out of the 3rd story window of the bar, and she dies. Then the bartender tells the guy that was drinking the beer...... "Damn, you sure can be an ASS sometimes Superman"

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and takes a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman.

"That's true," replied the woman, "But you have all the equipment."

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion."

i like the math one XD

math one was lame, the husband and wife one was great =D

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

And so it came to pass that three brave men visited a holy temple to take an unsual and dangerous test for piety. All three men were brought to a bare well-lit room at normal room temperature and told to stand in line 2m apart from each other. Each of them had a special small explosive device attached to his genitals. The device is set to detonate only if an erection is detected - detonation results in death of the device wearer.
Once the elder monk overseeing the test is satisfied with the preparations, he leads a female volunteer to the room- this woman was not only a voluptuous beauty but a well trained exotic dancer/seductress. Her assigned task was to perform a striptease in front of the 3 recruits.

The test commences...
Upon seeing the lady enter the room, a sudden explosion occurred. The elder monk shook his head in disgust; one of the three recruits has died even before the lady actually started her trade.

The lady then begins a erotic dance routine, removing her clothing piece by piece...
After bearing nearly 3/4 of her dance routine, a second explosion occurred. To be fair, the second victim really did his best. But the woman is simply too skilled. :fail:

Finally the dance ends with the lady told to retrieve her clothes and leave the room....
The last recruit beemed with joy as the elder monk formally proclaims him to have pass the test and thus considered a fellow member of the temple.

The elder monk hugged the new member and says, 'Fellow brother, I'm so happy that you are of like mind as me!'
The new member looked up wide eyed and and replied, 'Really? You think as I do?'
A final explosion suddenly occurs....

=p gay joke is not funny :x

LMAO @ Evocator's joke. I had an idea of what was gonna happen before I got to the end, though. :^_-: